I didn’t want to turn 27. I didn’t want to have a birthday at all. I didn’t want to be reminded that time is passing by. I didn’t want to turn 27 at all.
With my birthday approaching, It makes me feel forced to reflect on my life and consequently am forced to compare it to others. I know I should not be comparing my life to others but, as a human this is a hard task to bypass.
When I was younger, I had this vision. This vision consisted of me and my 20’s. By the time I would be in my 20’s I would:
- Have a career. I would have my own office and I would love it.
- I would be married and have a baby.
- I would own a house. Our house would have a big yard where I would sit and watch the dogs play and run around in said big back yard.
- My said husband and I would take vacations and just smile all the time.
- All said things were mostly materialistic.
Now at 27, I can not help but to compare this dream to my reality. I do not have a career. I do not know what I want to do, I change my mind every second. One day I want to open a coffee shop, the next day I want to be an interior designer. However, I do have a job which allows me to pay my bills, I am able to survive in world that is getting more expensive every day, I am also able to have enough time off so I can refocus on myself and what I want to do. I can find myself again, slowly but surely.
I may not be married but, I have an amazing partner who loves and supports me everyday. He puts up with moods swings and keeps me grounded. He shows me what love looks like every day. He lets me send him pictures of dogs and talk about dogs nonstop without getting annoyed. He holds my hand as I walk into uncharted territories and makes sure that I feel safe with him.
I may not own a house with a big back yard but we are so blessed to be able to own our own townhome in this every increasing expensive city of Denver. Our dog does not have a big yard to run around, but she does however have a huge park next to our home where she is able to make it her own personal playground. She also consistently visits the dog park which always makes her feel as if she were at Disneyland. It’s the happiest place on earth for her.
I may be battling my demons of anxiety and depression but I am slowly overcoming them and will conquer them instead of having them conquer me. I never imagined having to deal with mental illness when I was younger. Everyone always looked so happy when I was younger. They must of been really good at faking it.
I was afraid to turn 27 because of the disappointment I would feel to not have any of my little kid dreams and goals be accomplished. But now reflecting on it, as I turn 27 I have an amazing supportive and loving family. I have a crazy weird dog that makes me smile constantly and makes me look forward to coming back home so I can see her wiggly butt and tail as I open the front door. I have a partner that loves me uncontrollably and some of the most amazing friends.
I was so afraid of turning 27 because I focused on the should have been instead of what I have . What I have as I enter my year 27 is so much more that I can ever ask for. I can not let myself forget that. I will make the best of my year 27 so when 28 comes, I will greet it with a warm smile and say, I am ready for you 28.